Survival
by amberg93
Summary: So this is the price I pay for survival. Hermione's POV of after the final battle


Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters or places mentioned just the plot. 

**Survival**

I opened my eyes looking up all I saw was the sky. It was gray, many clouds were overhead and rain threatened to pour from them any second. For a moment I couldn't figure out where I was. What had happened. A rare feeling of confusion crept through me. I sat up, and regretted it immediately. It hurt like hell. I was bruised, cut, hurt. I felt a small warm trickle from my forehead. Reaching up I realized I had a cut there.

Reaching for my wand I realized that it was snapped in pieces. I brushed my tangled, bushy hair out of my eyes. It had some of my blood in it, maybe even someone else's. As I looked around it all came back to me. I wished it hadn't, maybe it wouldn't hurt so much if I couldn't remember. Pain shot through my chest, and I realized it was my heart, the more I took in the more I wished my heart had just been ripped out. Certainly it would have been less painful.

I was in a large grassy field, that was painted with the blood of the bodies surrounding me, they were scattered everywhere. Left and right of me were bodies of former enemies and allies. I walked to the center and another dose of pain shot through my heart. There right in the middle of it all was my best friend. His black hair still sticking up the same way it always had. Harry was dead, laying there with his bright green eyes still open. As if he were looking right at me. I bend down and closed his eyes. I couldn't stand to see them, blazing into me.

Across from him, lay the once Lord Voldemort, his eyes were open too. I also felt as if they were staring at me, but I wasn't going to shut his eyes. He didn't deserve that, he killed my best friend. If it weren't for him he'd still be alive, if it weren't for him his parents would still be alive. I glared at his corpse, with a strong hatred flowing through my veins.

I forced myself to move on. To see who else I had lost, who else I would have to morn over eventually. As I looked around my eyes fell on a nearby body. I could have sworn my heart stopped then and there. I ran to it, falling unto my knees. His red hair was stained with blood, and his skin was more pale then I'd ever seen it. I frantically grabbed his wrist, trying to find a pulse. It wasn't there, he was dead. "Ron!" I yelled. "Ron wake up! Please I love you." I knew my words were futile, but I couldn't just let him go. After was seemed like forever, but was only probably a few seconds, I broke down. I sobbed into his unmoving chest. _This can't be happening, this can't be happening._ I repeated to myself, trying to convince myself.

Once more my efforts were in vain. No matter how many times I repeated it, I knew it wasn't true. I couldn't seem to force myself to think that he wasn't dead, that this was just some horrible nightmare. No matter how much it seemed like the nightmares I had, had a million times before. I briefly thought about pinching myself to see if it _was_ a nightmare. However, I didn't want to further disappoint myself. It was pretty obvious that I was indeed awake and that is was happening. I'm not sure how long I was there like that. Sobbing into my dead fiancé's chest. I do know however a couple of hours must have passed , because people came. Some gathered bodies, others marked off the names of the dead. Someone tapped me on the back.

"Hermione?" Came the cautious voice of Ginny Weasely. "He's dead."

I knew she was talking about Harry and not Ron. Still, I turned to face her, she wasn't covered in blood, she hadn't fought, she hadn't watched people die. Instead here she was in her robes, with her hair all done. Her mascara was smeared from tears that silently fell down her face. She looked weak, and I hated her for it. I hated that she didn't risk her life for the man she supposedly loved, and that she wasn't here the minute the fighting stopped so see if he had been alright. If she was looking for sympathy from me she wasn't going to get it.

"I know." I replied harshly. I saw her wince at my tone and didn't feel bad I the slightest. "Why weren't you here?"

"Hermione, I just-" Ginny started weakly. She looked down, in what appeared to be shame. "I was scared."

I felt a surge of hatred toward her and laughed coldly. "You were scared? So was everyone else out here! The difference is that they fought, and you ran. Ran and hid like the baby you are."

More tears streamed down her face, but she didn't answer me. She stared at me with hurt and betrayal written all over her face. I stared back, my eyes were still cold as was my expression. She turned and ran, just as she had before.I glared after her and returned to weeping into Ron's chest. I wept until I couldn't anymore. The tears finally stopped falling some hours later.

After the rain fell from the clouds above, after the sky became dark and became sprinkled with stars, that were hidden by the same dark clouds that had plagued the day. I dared to glance once more an Ron. Not much had changed from when I had seen him earlier on. His hair still looked the same, stained with his blood as well as some of mine. His skin had gotten even more pale, if that was at all possible. One difference was, that now his shirt was stained with the blood from the cut on my forehead, which I had forgotten about up until now, as well as my many tears.

I stood up and my legs felt weak. Like they were toothpicks about to snap at any second. I carefully walked to the edge of the field were the battle had taken place. Some of the corpses were moved, yet many still remained. I knew that Ron's would have been gone too, had I not been clinging to it for dear life. I saw a few more familiar faces as I scanned the field a final time.

"So this is the price I pay for survival," I whispered to myself as I turned to walk away. Life as I knew it was over. I'd probably go off to Canada, or America. Somewhere where I could start over, a fresh new life. A new life that would never be able to compare to this old one, a new life that would be empty and bleak, but a new life none the less.

* * *

A/N: Alright so that's it. I was totally out of my element here, so leave a review and tell me what you think :). 


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